Showing posts with label murphy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label murphy. Show all posts

Monday, August 20, 2012

He's Here!

Murphy William
6/25/2012 @ 11:55 PM
9lbs, 1oz & 21"


And 8 weeks old today!  I've been both stalling writing this post and forgetting/being too busy to get to it.  I'm writing on my phone because I've decided if I wait until I can put him down and get on my laptop, it'll never happen.

Murphy was due on Wednesday, June 6th.  Originally, that is.  After my 20 week scan (notoriously inaccurate for dating gestational age at that point) we changed the date to Saturday, June 9th to "buy more time" if we needed to.  I guess that point would have been a time to go over the "what ifs", but honestly, I didn't think I'd go over.  June 6th felt like his birthday and that was going to be the day regardless, but it wasn't.

I hit 42 weeks on June 23rd and at that point immediately jumped to being 42 weeks and 3 days.  I felt 42+3.

My midwife, Clare, met us at the imaging center to have a biophysical profile (BPP) on June 20th (42 weeks, or at that point 41+4).  Murphy looked beautiful.  Everything was great and healthy.  One day, Emme and Renee came over to do a Non-stress test (NST) and on another day, Clare came over to do a NST.  Murphy sounded great both times. 

Emme called me in the morning on Monday, June 25th, talking about doing another BPP, but possibly in Wisconsin.  She said at this point, 42+5, we needed to think about induction and she needed to consult with her OB/GYN.  I called Clayton in a panic (and tears) and talked to him about if the ultrasound was in WI, if he wanted to get out of work or if I should see if my sister would bring me.  He said he'd get out of work and then I waited for Emme to call back.  She did awhile later and confirmed that if I did not go into labor by Wednesday night, the OB thought it would be a good idea to come in for an induction, but my ultrasound could be here and my midwives would consult with him again over the phone after that.  I called and set up an appointment at the imaging center for a couple hours later and both my midwives met us there for another BPP.

Murphy still looked great and my amniotic fluid level looked even better this time.  We met outside after and the midwives talked to us about how if this continued past Wednesday, 43 weeks, that they wanted me to go to Wisconsin to be induced at the hospital.  (For those wondering, there is nothing wrong with Minnesota and there are no strange laws, there is just a certain doctor in WI.  He is the OB/GYN that my midwives consult with and a very natural-minded OB/GYN).  I asked my midwives if they would entertain me by trying to strip my membranes.  Neither believe that it actually does anything, but at this point the only thing we hadn't tried was castor oil.  So they met us at our home and gave it a try. 

My cervix was really long and posterior and my external OS was dilated to a 1, international OS was still closed up, so Emme could not even reach or get through to do the sweep.  I just cried before they even left.  I was so stressed out and with no emergency, the very last place I wanted to go was the hospital, especially in Wisconsin and probably not being able to have my other children with me.

I had bought castor oil over the weekend and was debating whether or not I wanted to do it.  Well, no, not if I WANTED to, cause I reeeeally did not want to, but I was kind of getting to a point where I thought I might as well.  I felt comfortable, mentally/emotionally with him still being in there.  I wasn't afraid that he was in any danger.  I was starting to believe my own joke about how he was going to be born at 44 weeks.  Wednesday, July 4th.  My first was born at 36 weeks.  On a Monday.  My second was born at 40 weeks.  On a Tuesday.  It would only make sense that #3 would be at 44 weeks.  On a Wednesday.

I was in a miserable mood all day.  I was so sad and stressed out.  At dinner I decided that I'd take the castor oil before Madd and Clayton went off to T-Ball.  I was worried about taking it in the evening and then not being able to sleep that night, but I was feeling so depressed I figured I might as well, I wasn't getting to sleep anyways.

My midwives told me to call them before I took it to make sure that there were no other laboring women (I wish there had been), so I called Emme and she gave me the go ahead.  I made a shake with Belgian chocolate ice cream, milk, and 2oz of castor oil (should have used less castor oil, but everything I read online was 2-4oz.  So glad I did not do 4oz).  I drank it between 7-7:30pm and Madd and Dad left for t-ball.
My belly went all wonky immediately.  It was square looking.  I took several pictures thinking that they did no justice to show the craziness of my belly shape.  (The red bumps on my belly are PUPPP)





Faye was at the end of the couch using glitter glue and I wasn't really in the mood to stop her.  I got her a paper bag so that she didn't get glue on the couch and then sat down on the floor and laid my head on the couch as she proceeded to make me something pretty.  I wasn't feeling contractions and I didn't feel the way a laxative should make you feel, but I felt crummy and like I was going to be nauseous.



As soon as Clayton and Maddox walked through the door, I asked if I could take a bath and I was in there for 30-60min.  I think I lost track of time because Clayton got the kids ready for bed, teeth brushed, and books read and both were asleep when I got out of the bath.

I still wasn't having any contractions, but one big long contraction while I was in the tub.  My stomach was as hard as a rock and it was making me nervous.  That's the only reason I got out at that point, because I wanted to grab my stethoscope and listen to the babies heart.  He sounded good, so I got up, got dressed, and then I was starting to feel normal contractions.

At 10pm, we took some pictures.  I was convinced that I was in real labor this time (I had been having both braxton hicks contractions and real contractions on and off all day, every day since June 2nd), so we figured we should get some pics in.



It wasn't until 11pm that I decided that maybe I should time them because they seemed pretty frequent and pretty long.  I had been dancing around on my tip toes, pacing back and forth in the living room, gripping my pelvis firming contractions, trying to decide if this was for real for real.

It was definitely for real and I was having 1 min long contractions every 2 min (for those of you not familiar with timing contractions, that was one min on, one minute off).



I called my closest midwife (one is in Mpls, the other in StP) around 11pm and told her that the castor oil had worked and that I had been having contractions.  I told her that I had only been timing them for a half hour and they were two minutes apart and one minute long.  She asked if I wanted them to come over and I said "umm, hmm, I don't know.  I guess."  And she says "ok, I'm coming over!"

My thought process was that I didn't want them over all night if I wasn't that close.  I didn't need anyone for labor support.  My water hadn't broken yet and with my last two it broke on its own, one at 12 hours prior and the other at 1.5 hours prior.

Well, I had a couple contractions after that and then I felt the urge to push.  At some point, I had taken off my pajamas and put on a tube top dress.  Clayton grabbed my towel and laid that on the floor in the middle in our bedroom and I got down on all fours.

I HAD to push.  With my other two, I could try to hold it in and not push with it, but this time I had to actively push.  I had two contractions that I pushed with and then on the third my water broke.  I pulled my undies off and had another contraction and he started coming.  It only took him a couple minutes to come out.

I was feeling pretty nervous about tearing.  It hurt a lot in the front.  Well, it hurts a lot, but it hurt a lot more and it stung!  So I reached down while pushing and put pressure there.  I did end up tearing a little, but not enough for stitches.

Murphy came out head down, occiput anterior (good boy!), with a nuchal right arm.  He had his hand up by his cheek and eye on the side of his head.  It was such a relief after both arms were out and just his chest down remain inside.

My midwives didn't make it in time.  They certainly made good time and JUST missed his birth.
Emme rushed in to help (and turn off the fan that had been on for maybe 10mins as I poured sweat from getting this little one out).  I took my dress off and Clayton passed Murphy under my legs and up to me.  Emme went to wake the kids up.  They both wanted to see him being born and so did we, but we had made the decision to wake them when the midwives got there, assuming Murphy wasn't going to be born before then!  Maddox came out and looked at Murphy and checked to see if he was a boy or a girl.  He was still pretty sleepy and it took him a minute to check things out.

We moved up to the bed, which Clayton had prepped while I was in labor, and Faye tried to cut the cord after is had gone completely white and floppy.  It was too squishy for her, though, and Clare helped her out.  As soon as he was off his cord we nursed.  I always seem to have short-ish cords and have trouble getting them up high enough with it still on.



After weighing the baby, making Comfrey root pads and rinse, steaming the placenta, and all that good stuff, the midwives left around 3am.  We went to bed soon after that and the little guy slept better than any couple-hours-old baby I've ever had.




Now here is Murphy at 1 Month:


And 2 Months:


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Come on, Baby!

Saturday, June 2nd, I was having consistent braxton hicks contractions again.  I had two days of them at 34 weeks, another two days of them around 36 weeks, and June 2nd marked the start of 10 days.  I had a couple breaks though.  Two days (after the first 4), I had them in morning and then again at night, but only sporadically during the day.  Days after that, I'd have clusters of them and then an hour or two break, some more clusters, etc.  This Monday, I had a couple, but then at T-Ball that evening, I was just in general pain.  Back and belly pain and then I realized it was waves of pain and not a constant pain.  Of course that went away.  I had BHC's again all day yesterday too.

Aunty Amy picked up Maddox in the morning to go to the zoo.  Faye and I couldn't go because I had an appointment with my midwife at 1pm and they couldn't wait until 2pm to get to the zoo.  We had Clayton drop us off in Linden Hills instead and spent the day with just the two of us.  We went to Heartfelt, then Creative Kidstuff.  We walked down to Wild Rumpus and Faye chased a chicken around the whole store.  It was hilarious and she was yelling to all the kids about how she HAD to pet the chicken and if you want to, you have to do it really fast.  We bought two books and after that went to an over priced restaurant to grab a snack before we went to Lake Harriet.  We should have just checked out Coffee and Tea, or gone over to Dunn Bros.  Guess I'll remember that next time.  After, we walked towards Lake Harriet.  We went down the stairs to where the street car is.  It doesn't run until 6:30 on weekdays, so we didn't see if.  Faye had to pee, of course I asked her 5min earlier in the restaurant and she refused), so she pee'd on the ground.  Then while I was looking up where Clayton wanted us to meet him at after work, Faye climbed up the side of the wall and got stuck...  We were off after I got her down and 1.5 mi later, we were at a park where Clayton was going to meet us.  We played there for a while and then went to The Malt Shop with Clayton and then headed home.

I went straight to the bath after getting home.  My hips and pelvis felt miserable.  I got in the bath and felt just as miserable.  I didn't last long in there.  It did help my hips and pelvis, but my belly started to feel icky (well, it kind of did already, I only got 3 bites of my sandwich down at the restaurant) and then my back just really bad.  I felt so much tension and knots in there.  I normally cannot leave the bath without taking a full shower afterwards, but I was pretty desperate, so I washed my hair in the tub and got out.  After that, I was feeling even worse.  Then I felt like I was going to puke.  I got up and went potty, but didn't puke.  I sat on the couch for a half hour or more getting ride of that feeling and then about a half hour after that, I started having contractions.  Real contractions.  I was up from 10:30pm to 2:30am with contractions and a massive back ache.  I went upstairs and got juice, water, and tylenol and then laid on the couch so that I could sleep on my back.  I got to bed pretty quick on the couch.  Woke up at 5am and haven't had a single contraction all morning.

I hope these dumb things come back.

Monday, March 26, 2012

29 Weeks & 2 Days = +30lbs. Sick. 10 Weeks and 5 Days to go and I have already gained ALL of the weight that I gained with my last pregnancy.

Monday, March 19, 2012

28 Weeks 2 Days

Thought I was updating belly pics more often, but there is only one! If we're friends on Google+ you'll be able to see them all ;)

These are from today. 28 Weeks 2 days. Didn't have the greatest shirt on for this, but I tried to make it work.


Friday, March 16, 2012

Baby Names... Again!

Names that we took off the list are:

Corbin
Finnegan
Connor

Names I'm not so sure of:

Rowan
Oren

MY favorite names:

Eero
Soren (I like Søren)

with the middle name of:

Eero
Russell
William

MY favorite name combinations are:

Søren Eero
Eero William

Other choices are:

Soren William
Soren Russell
Eero Russell
Rowan William
Rowan Russell
Oren William
Oren Russell

Oren Eero and Rowan Eero sounds weird to me...

Girls names that we got rid of:

Gwendolyn
Elizabeth

Names we still like:

Elise
Jane
Orla
Lorraine

with a middle name of:

Elise
Lorraine

Name combinations that we like:

Lorraine Elise
Orla Lorraine
Jane Elise

(In order of MY faves).

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Newborn Essentials

Layette: Baby's First Clothes

  • 6 undershirts that snap on the bottom or tie on the side, commonly called "onesies" (3 in three-month size and 3 in six-month size)
  • 3 to 4 infant gowns with elastic bottoms or draw strings. These make for easy diaper changes. All you have to do is pull the gown up over the belly to change the diaper and then pull it back down when finished. There is no stumbling around trying to snap the gown back together, which is especially nice when it's 3 a.m. and all you want to do is get baby back to sleep so that you can get back to sleep.
  • 6 sleepers/stretch suits (3 newborn to three-month size and 3 in six-month size). These are nice to put baby in during the day, but are not essential items. When buying these, make sure you get the kind that zip up the front. These are easier to get baby in and out.
  • 3 to 4 pairs of booties or socks with stretch elastic band at cuff
  • 3 to 4 receiving blankets
  • 1 blanket to cover swaddled baby in crib
  • 1 sweater and hat

Bathing Baby: What You Need

  • Baby bathtub (sloping with foam pad or flat with molded sponge insert)
  • 4 terry cloth bath towels (hooded towels are OK, but not necessary)
  • 4 to 6 washcloths
  • Tearless shampoo
  • Baby soap. Many brands make baby shampoo and soap all in one.
  • Brush and comb
  • Rounded-tip nail scissors or clippers. Baby's nails grow quickly and can scratch his or her face.
  • Bulb syringe nasal aspirator. These are used to suction excess mucus from baby's nose and mouth (the one you receive in the hospital is a keeper!).

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Make Your Preschooler the Official Photographer

Give your child a camera and ask him to take a picture of the new baby every day, once a week, or even once a month. Then put the pictures in an album and talk about all the changes he notices. Does your little shutterbug remember the baby's first smile? First laugh?


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

More Baby Names

Names that we took off the list are:

Corbin
Finnegan

Names we still like:

Connor
Eero
Oren
Rowan
Soren

with the middle name of:

David
Eero
Henry
William

There are a ton of different combinations that I like fine. My favorites are:

Connor William
Eero William
Oren William
Rowan William
Soren Eero

I like William as a middle name...

Girls names that we got rid of:

Gwendolyn

Names we still like:

Elise
Jane
Orla
Lorraine

with a middle name of:

Elizabeth
Elisa
Lorraine
Jane

The only combinations that I like are:

Lorraine Elizabeth
Lorraine Elise
Orla Lorraine
Orla Jane
Jane Elise
Elizabeth Jane

Friday, February 3, 2012

21 Weeks 6 Days vs 22 Weeks 3 Days

I didn't look for the pictures of when I was pregnant with Maddox, but I matched up Faye's pregnancy with this babies pregnancy the best I could. A 4 day difference.

Looks pretty darn close. I believe I was heavier when I started this PG than when I started with Faye. I think I'm a little bigger this time too. I should be, because it's my 3rd pregnancy, but I wouldn't say I'm obviously bigger.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ultrasound Pictures!

We had an ultrasound on Monday the 16th. We did not find out the sex of the baby. We got 3 pictures to take home (the first three), but the clinic just put the rest of the images on the website and so I copied a few.












That is the babies head and the big pillow s/he is laying on is my placenta.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

When I was pregnant with Maddox, I didn't feel any fear or sadness.  We were 20 and 22 when he was conceived and completely unplanned.  When I was almost 10 weeks I had some spotting, over Memorial Day Weekend, and I freaked out.  I was so scared that I was going to lose him.  He's been the perfect son and I never knew I could love someone the way that I love him.  I was perfectly content with just him, an only child.

Faelyn was planned.  I was perfectly content with just having Maddox, but eventually, Clayton was going to want another child.  Maddox was already two and a half years old, almost three and if we were having another, I didn't want them to be so far apart.  I was, of course, very excited when I found out the I was pregnant and loved her so much.  I was also completely overwhelmed with sadness.  Sadness at the loss of my only son becoming one of two kids.  The loss of one on one time with Maddox.  The loss of "my boys", now Madd, Dad, and Faye.  She is such an amazing child.  Troubling, often, but one million percent amazing.

This time around, I've only felt terror.  Complete terror and anxiety.  Fear of everything that lies ahead.  At least up until tonight.  Faye woke up and stumbled into the living room.  I brought her to my bed to sleep for a couple hours before I came to bed.  When I was ready, I brought her to her bed, gave her a kiss and told her she was my best girl.  I've always told Maddox he's my best boy and I was thrilled to be able to tell Faye she was my best girl, but it hit me tonight that I will not have that anymore.  I will have a best boy and a best oldest girl and a best youngest girl.  Or I will have a best girl and a best oldest boy and best youngest boy.

I feel love and joy for this baby.  It took me until I was 15 weeks, though, to even feel the slightest connection.  I am constantly poking and prodding this little thing to make sure s/he is still there.  I nearly jumped on the midwife when she asked if we'd like to try to hear the baby's heartbeat.  Terrified when it took so long to find.  Then ecstatic and relieved when we heard it.

Now I can feel the baby, kicking or hiccupping, and that's exciting.  But I still feel so scared and a little bit sad.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Baby Names

We've been thinking a lot about boy names. Even though we are not planning to find out the baby's gender until s/he is born, boy names are really hard for me! It was really hard and finally yesterday I sat down and made a list. Gave it to Clayton to cross off some names and ended up crossing off a couple more myself. This is the list.

Connor
Corbin
Eero
Finnegan
Oren/Orrin
Rowan
Soren

I also went through the middle name options (family names) and the only ones I really liked with any names were

Eero
David
Henry
William

Some of my favorites were

Connor William
Corbin Henry
Eero Finnegan (Finnegan is not a family name, but Eero is)
Finnegan David
Oren Eero
Orrin William
Rowan William
Soren David
Soren Eero (this makes me giggle, but I love it...)

Maddox really really really wanted me to highlight some girls names in the baby book that Santa put in my stocking this Christmas, so I came up with a list. I'm kind of stuck on one name, so that might be why it was kind of difficult, but I ended up coming up with a much shorter list than when we were pregnant with Faye. I was surprised that I didn't find a lot of girls names I liked. (Clayton OK'd these names too)

Elise (this is actually my great grandmothers name rearranged)
Gwendolyn
Lorraine (my grandma's name)
Orla

We also liked Jane (which is also my middle name rearranged), but I didn't end up liking it for a first or middle name.

Our middle name options would be

Elise
Elizabeth
Lorraine

The favorites that I came up with are

Gwendolyn Elise
Gwendolyn Lorraine
Lorraine Elizabeth
Orla Lorraine

I'd really prefer to have Lorraine in the name. If it's the first name, we'll call her Lainie.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

We hired our Midwives! Yay!

We met with two midwives last night. They work together, do all prenatal appointments together, go to births together, etc. I LOVED them on paper, I really liked Emme when I talked to her on the phone for like 30-60 minutes (it was a long time) and I was really nervous to meet them because I was afraid I wouldn't like them in person (cause I really wanted to like them)... but we LOVED them! I'm sooooo glad I decided to contact them because I wasn't going to originally.

The four of us went and Faye kept telling Maddox that we were going to the "nightmares" house, haha! We kept saying "Midwives!" and then she'd say "Midwhites". Then she'd forget and call them nightmares again. We get to their house and it took us 15 min even though google said with traffic it would take 24 min so we sat in the car for a couple minutes and Faye says "are we going to see the witches?", I said "what witches?" and she says "the witch in the house!" and pointed to the midwife's house. That one I found really funny because it's kind of true. I mean not really, but so many midwives were persecuted in the witch hunts because people thought they were witches. Then when we were leaving, she really wanted to stay and she says "I want to stay at the wizard nightmares house" Haha!

We interviewed them (kind of, I asked most of my questions on the phone with Emme, so we just chatted a lot) and they asked if I had any prenatal care yet, so they offered to listen to the baby and took my BP and hemoglobin (and wrote is all down on a card for me in case I don't choose them) and so we got to hear the baby!


Meet Emme

Emme began her journey to birth work with the joyous birth of her first born in 1991. Birth was transformative and empowering and she loved being a mom more than anything in the world. Emme soon discovered that her view of birth as was a rare one. Most birth stories she heard were not joyous empowering experiences. Armed with the knowledge that birth can be different Emme began to be invited to many of her friends’ births. In 2000 when her last baby was weaning Emme completed her birth doula certification with hopes of one day becoming a midwife. Emme quickly became an active doula sitting on the board of the Childbirth Collective and attending hundreds of birth in the hospital setting. Early in her doula career Emme witnessed her first home birth. She immediately knew home birth midwifery was the path she would take to become a midwife.
Emme started her formal midwifery apprenticeship in 2003 and continued it until she earned her Certified Professional Midwifery credential in 2008. Emme has had the privilege of working with many community midwives both traditionally and formally trained. Along with learning directly from midwives at over 100 births Emme attended the Farm Midwifery training Center and was thrilled to learn directly from Ina May Gaskin, Pamela Hunt and the rest of the Farm Midwifes. In 2005 Emme was accepted into a demanding and intensive internship at a busy Birth Center in the Philippines. While living and working at Mercy Maternity Center for her seven week stay Emme was able to learn directly from mothers, babies and many foreign midwives. In addition to her apprenticeships and internships Emme is trained and certified in advanced neonatal life support and cardio pulmonary resuscitation.

Emme is a member of the Minnesota Council of Certified Professional Midwives (MCCPM), MNow!, Midwives Alliance of North America, The Childbirth Collective and DONA International. She is vice President of The Childbirth Collective and is active with the Minnesota Better Birth Coalition. Emme lives and plays in South Minneapolis with her three amazing kids Noah, Levi and Sydney and her equally wonderful husband Paul.

Meet Clare
I was born and raised in Richfield, MN, the 6th child of 11, and remember well the happiness that the births of my younger siblings brought to our family. As a midwife, it is truly a privilege to share with families the joy and excitement of their journeys as they prepare to welcome a child into the world.



I worked as a labor and birth nurse from 1984-1997. I graduated from the U of M Midwifery school in 1997 and began my work as a Certified Nurse Midwife (5 years of practice at Regions, 2 years at North Memorial and one year at Fairview Riverside).

In January of 2006 I "came home" and began to attend home births in the Twin Cities. I love my Trillium partner and the new dimensions homebirth brings to my practice of midwifery. There is richness, a depth of relationship in homebirth that I believe is at the heart of the midwifery model of care.

I also love my yoga practice and students. I began my yoga studies in 1987 and taught my first class (a prenatal yoga class!) in 1998 at the St. Paul Yoga Center, where I continue to teach three general classes each week.
I also offer a "donation" class each week for pregnant women (and their doulas) at the Minneapolis Yoga Workshop ( http://www.mplsyogaworkshop.com/ ) on Sundays from noon to 1:30pm. All are welcome (all trimesters and levels). We practice yoga poses and sequences (with attention to the breath) to relieve common discomforts of pregnancy. Yoga teaches us to be present and to make friends with our bodies, and I think this connection helps women and their babies during the birth process. The prenatal yoga class also provides a space for birthing women to form relationships with other mothers and mothers-to-be. I have witnessed such wonderful support and mentoring among the women--they share information about everything (from bras to diapers)!

I live in St. Paul with my loving man, Paul, and our two cats. Our son Julian also lives in St. Paul with us.


So that's all about our midwives. I also did a little "research" on Baby Center to "explore" my due date options. My thought is that I had two 25 day cycles in a row. I created a chart for two 28 day cycles (EDD 06/12/12), two 25 day cycles (EDD 06/06/12), and a 25 day followed by a 28 day cycle (EDD 06/09/12). A lot of times when I've had an early cycle, my next will make up for it, so if I had a 25 day cycle, my next might have been a 31 day cycle, but I didn't create a chart for that because it would have resulted in the same EDD as two 28 day cycles.

Two 28 Day Cycles

From WTF?!


25 Day Followed by 28 Day

From WTF?!


Two 25 Days

From WTF?!


Baby Development according to the EDD I've chosen

From WTF?!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Has it really been 3 months?!

And a few things have happened in those 3 months as well.

As I mentioned in my last post, I signed up to be an Independent Consultant with Usborne Books. I have not made enough money to put Maddox in Karate - for a few reasons! First, I cannot NOT buy the books. I pretty much have spend any commission on the books. I have an even more plump bookshelf now. In fact, over flown (as if it wasn't already lol). Second, this job has been so much more difficult for me than I imagined. I knew it was going to be a challenge for me. Not only because I do not drive, but I am absolutely terrified getting up in front of people and doing presentations. I'm also terribly awkward in social situations. I knew all that, but I didn't expect to develop nice little cause of anxiety. Pure panic comes over me, I nearly throw up before every show I've done and I lost 5 lbs before my kick off show, worrying about it.

About a month after my Usborne Books and More kick off show, I found out that I was pregnant with my third child. A HUGE, ENORMOUS surprise. Add a couple more notches on to the anxiety and stress. Dealing with two kids in school, volunteering in school, in classrooms, etc, homework, being pregnant, planning a home birth, finding a midwife, not having any health insurance, planning on buying a house in the spring, STILL not having my driver's licenses... I'm a complete basket case.

Then about two weeks into November, I started having a weird health issue. I still have no idea what it is or even could be. I get this weird feeling in my throat and chest. Like someone is pushing down on my chest and pinching the arteries in my neck closed. I'll get this weird feeling three times in a row through out the day, some times spread out, some times clustered together. Usually it happens when I've been active and then I stop. So when I walk up the stair (or down) and then I stop walking, I get it. When I walk the kids to school, when we stop at school, it starts. When I get up and make myself food, etc and then go to sit back down it happens. It also happens when I feel emotionally tense. If I am debating a sensitive topic, etc. Then when it happens, my pulse stops. Thump, Thump, Thump, 1-3 second pause, thump thump, 1-3 second pause, etc. So anytime I feel the weird pressure, my pulse stops for the entire length. It stopped happening, almost completely for about a week to a week and a half and then a couple days ago it started up again. No change in diet, exercise, amount of anxiety or stress...

Hopefully soon I will at least have a midwife. Soon I should have insurance too. I'm due in June and am around 13-14 Weeks pregnant right now. I've met with one midwife, talked via email with a couple others, have been trying to get together with another midwife and just today I contacted one other midwife. I liked the first midwife that I met with. I feel like she is qualified and a safe option, but I'd like to know what my other options are. Two of the best things about the first midwife is that she comes to my house for appointments and she has experience with breech and twins. The second midwife (that I've been trying to meet with) has experience with breech and twins and a lot more years of experience, I would have to go to her office for appointments. That has been a problem with some of the other midwives. Their location and available times just could not work for us, so they were automatically off the list. I'm anxious and excited, but am getting impatient!

Because I have not had a confirmation test, no 'medical care' (I say that as it is not necessary at this point, but generally common practice to go in for a confirmation test and then for your first prenatal appointment at 12 weeks), have no heard the baby yet, cannot feel the baby (often, have felt the baby, but it's still REALLY early), it was such a big surprise, I took 4 (or more.. I cannot even remember anymore) tests and brought them into all different rooms of the house for different lightly - just to make sure, etc... I am having a really hard time connecting with this and fully acknowledging the fact that I am pregnant. It's only been 13-14 weeks (and I've only known for 8-9 weeks), but it has already been a really tough pregnancy. Physically, I'm sick on and off, major fatigue, sore breasts, that 'pressure' feeling in my belly, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary, but harder to deal with because I wasn't ready for this or wanting it at this time (I do want more children and am grateful for this child). Emotionally, I have not been dealing with it that great. We're not finding out the baby's gender this time. Neither of us want to, but I'm feeling like I almost need to, to connect with this baby. I'm hoping that by the time we are having an ultrasound (if we are going to decide to have one) that I will not be tempted to find out. That I will not feel the need to find out, for any reason. I'm hoping after I hear this baby's little heart and start to feel it's like kicked and punches, that I will feel better.

Also, I wanted to mention, shortly before I found out that I was pregnant, I found out that my Sister In Law (husbands sister) is pregnant, just 6 weeks further along AND my husbands cousin is pregnant, 7 weeks further along! One with a girl, one with (possibly) a boy!

So this is mostly what's been going on for the past couple months. School started in Sept. Maddox is a first grader, Faelyn started her first year (of 2) of preschool. Both are loving school!

And if you'd like to check out some books, they are amazing books! - http://www.myubam.com/HOS207943