As I mentioned in my last post, I signed up to be an Independent Consultant with Usborne Books. I have not made enough money to put Maddox in Karate - for a few reasons! First, I cannot NOT buy the books. I pretty much have spend any commission on the books. I have an even more plump bookshelf now. In fact, over flown (as if it wasn't already lol). Second, this job has been so much more difficult for me than I imagined. I knew it was going to be a challenge for me. Not only because I do not drive, but I am absolutely terrified getting up in front of people and doing presentations. I'm also terribly awkward in social situations. I knew all that, but I didn't expect to develop nice little cause of anxiety. Pure panic comes over me, I nearly throw up before every show I've done and I lost 5 lbs before my kick off show, worrying about it.
About a month after my Usborne Books and More kick off show, I found out that I was pregnant with my third child. A HUGE, ENORMOUS surprise. Add a couple more notches on to the anxiety and stress. Dealing with two kids in school, volunteering in school, in classrooms, etc, homework, being pregnant, planning a home birth, finding a midwife, not having any health insurance, planning on buying a house in the spring, STILL not having my driver's licenses... I'm a complete basket case.
Then about two weeks into November, I started having a weird health issue. I still have no idea what it is or even could be. I get this weird feeling in my throat and chest. Like someone is pushing down on my chest and pinching the arteries in my neck closed. I'll get this weird feeling three times in a row through out the day, some times spread out, some times clustered together. Usually it happens when I've been active and then I stop. So when I walk up the stair (or down) and then I stop walking, I get it. When I walk the kids to school, when we stop at school, it starts. When I get up and make myself food, etc and then go to sit back down it happens. It also happens when I feel emotionally tense. If I am debating a sensitive topic, etc. Then when it happens, my pulse stops. Thump, Thump, Thump, 1-3 second pause, thump thump, 1-3 second pause, etc. So anytime I feel the weird pressure, my pulse stops for the entire length. It stopped happening, almost completely for about a week to a week and a half and then a couple days ago it started up again. No change in diet, exercise, amount of anxiety or stress...
Hopefully soon I will at least have a midwife. Soon I should have insurance too. I'm due in June and am around 13-14 Weeks pregnant right now. I've met with one midwife, talked via email with a couple others, have been trying to get together with another midwife and just today I contacted one other midwife. I liked the first midwife that I met with. I feel like she is qualified and a safe option, but I'd like to know what my other options are. Two of the best things about the first midwife is that she comes to my house for appointments and she has experience with breech and twins. The second midwife (that I've been trying to meet with) has experience with breech and twins and a lot more years of experience, I would have to go to her office for appointments. That has been a problem with some of the other midwives. Their location and available times just could not work for us, so they were automatically off the list. I'm anxious and excited, but am getting impatient!
Because I have not had a confirmation test, no 'medical care' (I say that as it is not necessary at this point, but generally common practice to go in for a confirmation test and then for your first prenatal appointment at 12 weeks), have no heard the baby yet, cannot feel the baby (often, have felt the baby, but it's still REALLY early), it was such a big surprise, I took 4 (or more.. I cannot even remember anymore) tests and brought them into all different rooms of the house for different lightly - just to make sure, etc... I am having a really hard time connecting with this and fully acknowledging the fact that I am pregnant. It's only been 13-14 weeks (and I've only known for 8-9 weeks), but it has already been a really tough pregnancy. Physically, I'm sick on and off, major fatigue, sore breasts, that 'pressure' feeling in my belly, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary, but harder to deal with because I wasn't ready for this or wanting it at this time (I do want more children and am grateful for this child). Emotionally, I have not been dealing with it that great. We're not finding out the baby's gender this time. Neither of us want to, but I'm feeling like I almost need to, to connect with this baby. I'm hoping that by the time we are having an ultrasound (if we are going to decide to have one) that I will not be tempted to find out. That I will not feel the need to find out, for any reason. I'm hoping after I hear this baby's little heart and start to feel it's like kicked and punches, that I will feel better.
Also, I wanted to mention, shortly before I found out that I was pregnant, I found out that my Sister In Law (husbands sister) is pregnant, just 6 weeks further along AND my husbands cousin is pregnant, 7 weeks further along! One with a girl, one with (possibly) a boy!
So this is mostly what's been going on for the past couple months. School started in Sept. Maddox is a first grader, Faelyn started her first year (of 2) of preschool. Both are loving school!
And if you'd like to check out some books, they are amazing books! - http://www.myubam.com/HOS207943
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